fuck it all to hell.

i feel hurt inside.

because i tried.

i tried.

i tried.

i tried.

i tried.

i tried.

i tried.

i tried.

and i never give myself enough credit, you know.

i never do.

and i have these relationships. that aren't even real.

false.

alone.

in the end i am all alone.

and i guess it doesn't matter because i do it to myself.

i do.

and that's what really hurts.

all this time i thought.

maybe had an inkling.

that you might like me too.

that maybe there was something there.

i don't know.

when are you coming home, you ask.

like you care, like you want to hang out.


and i guess it doesn't really matter.



because i'm leaving, i'm leaving.


i'm leaving.


so cheers.


hats off to you.

i feel for you, i really do.

because i see those blocks.

but maybe i'm full of shit, and you feel nothing at all.

and you can say the rudest shit to me, you know.


the rudest fucking shit.


and i don't know how to take it because i've fallen, i've fallen for you.

i've fallen, i've fallen for you.

it's like five hundred days of summer.


all over again in my own life.

and we watched it together and you said, why can't people just be honest.

and i agreed.

and i thought that i was being honest.


i did!

i did.







i did.














but now time has passed and i no longer know if i'm being honest.


i no longer know the truth.




of what might be.


and what could possibly last.


larisa.