virtual insanity is what we're living in...

although we are not right for each other in 'that way,' curt is definetly the only person (male, as in the lover sense) that has ever completely understood me. he gets where i'm coming from. he doesn't try to push me to to be something i'm not. he loves me completely for who i am. it's amazing when you find people like that. i'm so glad that we have remained friends. if i was smart i'd call him up and tell him this as oppossed to writing it in a blog, but whatever. i'll tell him when it's not 3am. i love him. i really do. i suppose it's for the best that our engagement was broken off. he was the first person i'd ever been with, and i would have become restless. perhaps he knew that as well. i know that i'll know him till i die, if perhaps not longer. he is one of the most beautiful people alive.

on another note - yoga is the most amazing thing ever. a far better subsitute for well being than drugs. not that i've been doing much drugs lately. i've actually been trying to stay away from them. i notice i can make my walk to work in 10 minutes as oppossed to 15 or 20 without pot resin in my lungs. i notice i think clearer. not that i still don't get cravings. the horrible one..the acid craving. why do i crave such awful things for my body? is it because i started experimenting at such a young age? it's dumb really. i wish i had never experienced drugs. so yeah....with the exception of my klonopins, which are perscribed, and which i have hardly been taking anways - it's been a drugless time. go me!

so yes, hooping, yoga, self reliance. clear head.

i want to stay strong.

l.