if it had been.
happy 23rd birthday jenessa ann.
went out with r last night. we played dance dance revolution at his house and watched session 9. we also went out to eat and talked. alot.
dark eyed - i remember him lying on the couch that day.
depressed as can be.
"i wish i could say something to make you feel better," i say, spooning my reese's pieces sundae with extra whipped cream.
"it's ok." he says.
smiles.
knees drawn up to his chest.
he's beautiful.
he's my ex fiance's best friend. or former best friend i guess i should say...they arn't as close as they used to be. a few years ago (and well after we broke up) they got into a big fight and didn't talk for 2 years. we kissed alot back then..but never told him. didn't want to hurt him blah blah blah. they had started to become friends again so r and i called it off. and quick.
as it was i was back in school, obsessed with the now never mentioned but forever infamous d. and i sort of just forgot about it.
last night alone in his apartment. i felt it. that weird tension. when you're wondering if the other person is feeling the same thing, and if they are thinking of same thing.."nah - they'd never think that." i think we had talked about it once. all those fights we had gotten into. petty arguments. it was our way of releasing the tension. what do you do when you are engaged, but want to be with your fiance's best friend? i never knew he ever thought of it. and i never figured out if it ever went past lust. for me or for him.
lately, i feel like i'm in love with everybody.
he drove me home, i packed a bag, and then he dropped me off at my parents' house. and right before i got out of the car he mentioned it. just a smiggen of something from the past. i was high on nyquil and flonase..i hugged him..and didn't let go. i wanted to talk to him about it more, i want to kiss him... i wanted. i wanted to kiss him..but i was too sick, too fucked up, too......what would i tell c? and i suck at stuff like hiding secrets. so i said something coy. not too coy. but he knew. i got out of the car and into the house and then i lay in bed and thought about it.
and wondered if he thought about it.
i thought about it alot today.
it's gonna happen. maybe not much. and maybe it's not much that i want. but it's there. i care for him deeply. and ..
*
i think it's time for bed.
tomorrow =
job interview 10am
therapy 12pm
job interview 2:30 pm
work 5:00 pm
sleep like a mother fucker.
and off.
went out with r last night. we played dance dance revolution at his house and watched session 9. we also went out to eat and talked. alot.
dark eyed - i remember him lying on the couch that day.
depressed as can be.
"i wish i could say something to make you feel better," i say, spooning my reese's pieces sundae with extra whipped cream.
"it's ok." he says.
smiles.
knees drawn up to his chest.
he's beautiful.
he's my ex fiance's best friend. or former best friend i guess i should say...they arn't as close as they used to be. a few years ago (and well after we broke up) they got into a big fight and didn't talk for 2 years. we kissed alot back then..but never told him. didn't want to hurt him blah blah blah. they had started to become friends again so r and i called it off. and quick.
as it was i was back in school, obsessed with the now never mentioned but forever infamous d. and i sort of just forgot about it.
last night alone in his apartment. i felt it. that weird tension. when you're wondering if the other person is feeling the same thing, and if they are thinking of same thing.."nah - they'd never think that." i think we had talked about it once. all those fights we had gotten into. petty arguments. it was our way of releasing the tension. what do you do when you are engaged, but want to be with your fiance's best friend? i never knew he ever thought of it. and i never figured out if it ever went past lust. for me or for him.
lately, i feel like i'm in love with everybody.
he drove me home, i packed a bag, and then he dropped me off at my parents' house. and right before i got out of the car he mentioned it. just a smiggen of something from the past. i was high on nyquil and flonase..i hugged him..and didn't let go. i wanted to talk to him about it more, i want to kiss him... i wanted. i wanted to kiss him..but i was too sick, too fucked up, too......what would i tell c? and i suck at stuff like hiding secrets. so i said something coy. not too coy. but he knew. i got out of the car and into the house and then i lay in bed and thought about it.
and wondered if he thought about it.
i thought about it alot today.
it's gonna happen. maybe not much. and maybe it's not much that i want. but it's there. i care for him deeply. and ..
*
i think it's time for bed.
tomorrow =
job interview 10am
therapy 12pm
job interview 2:30 pm
work 5:00 pm
sleep like a mother fucker.
and off.
posted by L | 10:02 PM
1 Comments:
You've been tagged...better check my blog. :-D Hardyharhar...
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