nothing is sacred.
i think as of recent i've lost a great friend from my past. but i don't know. maybe it will blow over. we haven't talked in awhile, and i called her back after the allegation...no call since. i feel strangely ok with it.. like it was supposed to happen. life is changing so rapidly - i really feel like i need to change as well or i'm just going to get caught in the cycle of depression.
school ended on tuesday. i had to go for my loan exit interview today. i cried alot afterward and walked the 3 miles home just to get some fresh air.
i remember how close we used to be. it's not gonna be like that anymore is it? we're just grown so different. even when i was in LA i noticed it. it makes me sad. what now? what do people come into your life just to leave?
i've got my xmas lights on. it reminds me of a time from long ago.
surreal.
on the phone with my mom today - she wants me to move back to LA and get a job. she says that a real job is the stability i need right now. maybe she's right? i told her that i didn't want to get stuck there. she told me that i can always leave. well yeah. i know that. it's not that. i just feel like i need to travel now. i don't know i don't know i don't know.
since school ended i feel like i don't have any structure. maybe cuz i don't.
i've been either drunk or stoned lately. last night j and i got drunk and went dumpster diving and got some oranges, lemons, and asparagus.
today was the first day of my "eat healthy" diet. i already feel better.
my mom said i was scared of taking the next step. maybe she's right. i don't know what i want to do. there are all these options. how do i know which one is right?
why do i feel so lost.
and alone.
md's got his girl over, rach is moving so that's all she's thinking about.
and j is going to prague for the summer.
is everything going to work out ok?
of couse, i need to sleep, but i take a hit instead. just a hit but enough to keep me up.
there's got to be SOMETHING out there.
this is stupid.
i don't even know what i'm scared of, but i just want to cry all the time.
maybe i'll use the phone now.
larisa.
ann.
school ended on tuesday. i had to go for my loan exit interview today. i cried alot afterward and walked the 3 miles home just to get some fresh air.
i remember how close we used to be. it's not gonna be like that anymore is it? we're just grown so different. even when i was in LA i noticed it. it makes me sad. what now? what do people come into your life just to leave?
i've got my xmas lights on. it reminds me of a time from long ago.
surreal.
on the phone with my mom today - she wants me to move back to LA and get a job. she says that a real job is the stability i need right now. maybe she's right? i told her that i didn't want to get stuck there. she told me that i can always leave. well yeah. i know that. it's not that. i just feel like i need to travel now. i don't know i don't know i don't know.
since school ended i feel like i don't have any structure. maybe cuz i don't.
i've been either drunk or stoned lately. last night j and i got drunk and went dumpster diving and got some oranges, lemons, and asparagus.
today was the first day of my "eat healthy" diet. i already feel better.
my mom said i was scared of taking the next step. maybe she's right. i don't know what i want to do. there are all these options. how do i know which one is right?
why do i feel so lost.
and alone.
md's got his girl over, rach is moving so that's all she's thinking about.
and j is going to prague for the summer.
is everything going to work out ok?
of couse, i need to sleep, but i take a hit instead. just a hit but enough to keep me up.
there's got to be SOMETHING out there.
this is stupid.
i don't even know what i'm scared of, but i just want to cry all the time.
maybe i'll use the phone now.
larisa.
ann.
posted by L | 7:59 PM
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