melancholy

i need to remember to look at the world with an open mind. i need to remember to look at the world with a heart filled with love and not hatred. sometimes these petty feelings get the best of me, and i don't know why. it's all the same, really. i feel insecure in myself, so i feel the need to project these feelings onto others. what am i supposed to do about this?
i feel like i've lost a very good friend. but i also feel like we don't have much in common anymore. i'm sick of being one sided, i'm sick of never getting calls back. what am i here for? why do i always feel like there must be something more. what is the more? what is the next step? i always want to block it out, because it just seems easier that way. maybe i'll paint a big canvas of red and blue. dark colors to portray the way i feel inside. dark moons to show the world the other side.
tomorrow remains a blur in my mind.

just go home.

i hate feeling inferior to you. i hate that blogger does not have a way to make your entries friends only. i like writing here, but sometimes i just feel way too exposed.

i'm so sick of all my cd's.

we'll see what happens next.