well....
alot has been going on lately.
mainly i've been looking for a job. it's not exactly something i excel at. i don't have many skills in the whole cover letter/resume thing. i don't know..
i'm not even exactly sure what i want to do.
then.
this boy came along. took me up on a whilwhild romance. barely a week later i just want to run from him. he's too much, too fast, i don't think he's being sincere. it's like.... he tries too hard to take care of me...and it's not something i really need. the other day he overwhelmed me so much that i felt dizzy. i've been having panic attacks. it's stupid.
i got to figure something out.
and i slept with him. after like, only a few days. i feel so awful about myself - i never sleep with ANYBODY. this guy must have some crazy charming skills.

whatever.

i've been thinking alot about my former friend and my ex fiance. a good friend of mine called me up to tell me that she was posting about it in another online journal in friends only posts (i'm not on her list.) it made me really mad, because the only reason this friend who called me knew what was going on was that he saw it in her journal. i haven't told many people. we have alot of mutual friends. i don't need or want the drama. but i have been thinking about it alot lately. like, how you think that certain people are your friends...best friends even....and then they just fuck you. in the end everyone only cares about themselves.

and what's that about?

i may be at the end of the michael alig obsession. i had to read about him a few times to make sense of it all.

i've been spinning poi alot, but not hooping as much. i'm not sure why....but i need to do it. i'm meeting with some hoopers tonight. should be good.

it's just been hard lately to be positive.
i think i'm hungry.




XXX