on you.

i feel better. today is day 2 of not drinking. or drugs. go me.

i feel it so strong, you know. but it has to stop. because you're going to break my heart when i won't even leave a whisper on yours. i want to be what you want. but it's not right. it's not right.
you keep trying to tell me. friend, you say.
and i am your friend.
but i want to tell you so bad.
that i want to kiss you so hard.
and deep.
but it's wrong.

we called l's phone the other day. she picked it up and you said,
"deny me."
so innocent, right?
or the porn.
the cheating on wives and husbands and other.
sex.
on the desk.
hard.
the gun.
fuck.
god dammnit.

get over it, larisa.

i know it's wrong. i know it's wrong.

but tonight i'm in your bedroom.
you call me in to laugh over this email. i end up sitting down. legs crossed, hair pulled back.
you take off your glasses to rub your eyes.
can we say phermones ladies and gentlemen?

can we say anything?

i want to be you, breathe you, be inside you.
i want it all.


but none of it shall i have.