my therapist said last session, "larisa ann, i don't understand why you act like you just somehow arrived in your 20's with no past, and nothing to make you how you are today, you're just convinced that this is how you are."
she then said something to the effect of how of course i'm negative when i grew up in such a negative environment.
i wish my parents never had kids.
what the fuck.
don't have kids when you don't know how to fucking take care of them!
i don't want this to be a pity party. i don't want to sit here and be all like whine whine wah wah, oh, my parents fucked me up.
but there must be a reason WHY i'm having so much trouble growing into an adult, correct?
why i don't trust myself, my feelings, or anyone else.
why i can't feel close to people.
why ..
oh..
never mind.
i took some nyquil. i think it's kicking in.
i sort of just want to lay down in my bed and cry.
i guess i always just sort of assumed there would be someone there who would take care of all this shit for me.

i guess i just assumed.



i'm feeling lost and lonely.
i think i'm overtired.


sometimes there's just no one to talk to.