funny how it happens ..

i never do see it coming, do i?
and i guess i feel good about it in certain ways.
but of course of course..
it's easy for me to sleep with someone who's just in town for a week.
it's easy to feel that connection when it's not real.
i don't know.
i don't want to feel used.
but am i being used?
is it being used when you wake up and her fingers are entwined with yours.....when you roll over and she rolls over with you and spoons you. when you go out for a drink of water and when you get back in bed she snuggles right back up to you? when you fall asleep holding hands, you craddled in her arms.
what is being used anyways?
i mean...
the girl is from oklahoma. i'm from boston.
this isn't anything but a cheap fuck.
right?
oh, i don't know, then why do i think of you?
why do i want to look into your eyes....
man...i don't know.
it's like..
sometimes i'm just so easy.
and then when i look back and step away things look so ....sad.
and i know that deep inside i just want to be loved. i want to be loved but also be able to give love back.
but for now ....

we'll see where this week takes me.