i miss remy.

you know, sometimes i really miss remy. or perhaps i just miss the times that remy was part of. i remember him coming over to my apartment. he was just so damn loud. he would play the music on my computer at top volume, he would play the same songs over and over again, he'd yell, he'd beat on the furniture. i really really cared about remy.

sort of like how i really really cared about d. he was mentioned to me tonight. i wish she hadn't. she knows how i feel about him. but whatever, no one goes out of their way to make someone else miserable. i just have to move on.

anyways -- the past. does it even matter? tonight i lied and told a cute boy that i make paintings. i even lied about how i did it. now, it's something that i'd like to do, but i don't. now he gave sam his number to give to me. do i dare call him so he can find out that i have none of these paintings? why do i suck so much?

hooped tonight for awhile. i should be doing homework. i'm not.
should be setting up my printer. i'm not.

got therapy tomorrow. what the fuck do i want to talk about?
it's like, i'm lonely, but i'm not. i don't know what i want and that's the problem.

fuck it.
i'm out.