it's not dark yet, but it's gettin' there
i'm not sure why i do it really. but as i sit here drinking a tall glass of water, eyes dialated, stomach sick, i just wonder...
so i decided i'd stop smoking pot. i felt like a drug addict whenever i did it. and i couldn't think. fine. so now i'm just replacing it with other things. fucking stupid. it's like you know that you are wasted, why do you go and get more to drink? i ripped my favorite pretty tights. i've been puking all morning. it will be a wonder if i even make it to work at 2pm.
i think about what my therapist said about AA meetings. i think what my mom has said, what i know about my family. and i wonder if i'm doomed for trouble. i wonder if it's a self fullfilling prophecy.
my whole body is tingly. i think i threw up the aspirin.
******
about 4 hours later:
so i managed to the store. i got some ginger ale. animal crackers. threw up some more. threw up the pepto bismol. etc. i took a klono and slept a bit. now i'm feeing a little bit better. i gotta take a shower, get myself up. i called out of work. i feel so shitty about it. i was working with damian and ryan - i LOVE working with damian. oh well - i'll see him at work tomorrow. but it's the first time i've called out of work at this particular job, and i just feel so amateur right now. so wasted life. god - sometimes i feel like i just can't grow up. lame lame lame.
i've got a friend who claims i'm crazy. she made sure to tell me so in front of all her friends that i don't know last night. what are you doing to do?
fuck it.
fuck it all.
tonight i don't want to do anything. well, actually i do -- but won't. i'm gonna clean my bedroom. light some candles. hula hoop. be with myself. look up some stuff for going to japan online. ooh yeah, catch up on my psych homework. i just gotta make sure that i don't waste all the time online.
i don't think i'm gonna get sick again. at least i hope not. getting sick is so gross. especially when it explodes everywhere and you have to clean it up. *gags*
there's a girl in my psych class named larisa. but she spells it with 2 s's. larissa. i like mine better. but i don't like her. i've never met another larisa before and it makes me feel a little bit threatened.
maybe i'll change my name to risa. or la. la la la.
whatever.
it's getting dark out.
i hate when days are wasted by being hung over. poo on me.
L
so i decided i'd stop smoking pot. i felt like a drug addict whenever i did it. and i couldn't think. fine. so now i'm just replacing it with other things. fucking stupid. it's like you know that you are wasted, why do you go and get more to drink? i ripped my favorite pretty tights. i've been puking all morning. it will be a wonder if i even make it to work at 2pm.
i think about what my therapist said about AA meetings. i think what my mom has said, what i know about my family. and i wonder if i'm doomed for trouble. i wonder if it's a self fullfilling prophecy.
my whole body is tingly. i think i threw up the aspirin.
******
about 4 hours later:
so i managed to the store. i got some ginger ale. animal crackers. threw up some more. threw up the pepto bismol. etc. i took a klono and slept a bit. now i'm feeing a little bit better. i gotta take a shower, get myself up. i called out of work. i feel so shitty about it. i was working with damian and ryan - i LOVE working with damian. oh well - i'll see him at work tomorrow. but it's the first time i've called out of work at this particular job, and i just feel so amateur right now. so wasted life. god - sometimes i feel like i just can't grow up. lame lame lame.
i've got a friend who claims i'm crazy. she made sure to tell me so in front of all her friends that i don't know last night. what are you doing to do?
fuck it.
fuck it all.
tonight i don't want to do anything. well, actually i do -- but won't. i'm gonna clean my bedroom. light some candles. hula hoop. be with myself. look up some stuff for going to japan online. ooh yeah, catch up on my psych homework. i just gotta make sure that i don't waste all the time online.
i don't think i'm gonna get sick again. at least i hope not. getting sick is so gross. especially when it explodes everywhere and you have to clean it up. *gags*
there's a girl in my psych class named larisa. but she spells it with 2 s's. larissa. i like mine better. but i don't like her. i've never met another larisa before and it makes me feel a little bit threatened.
maybe i'll change my name to risa. or la. la la la.
whatever.
it's getting dark out.
i hate when days are wasted by being hung over. poo on me.
L
posted by L | 8:13 AM
1 Comments:
Hangovers are a bitch!
I've started taking St Johns Wort and I've found that it's helping with my depression. Worth a shot I suppose. I've started thinking that every one has the same insecurities as me and it is really working. I don't want to pretend to know what is going on in your life, and if my comments on your blog are not welcome let me know. I don't want to come across as a sanctimonius prick. Here in Oz we chuck sick days all the time, or sickies, as we call them.
Oh I have started listeneing to Sublime recently, I remember your rememory thing where you said you liked Sublime. The track Tequila really has me hooked at the moment.
Oh well, till next time I'm pissed.
See Ya.
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