i've noticed that i don't really care about myself anymore. up until today, i'd stopping shaving everyting and had decided that i'd keep it that way, and i only shaved because i'm a pussy and care what people think. i've also been wanting to dread my hair, but only so i don't have to worry about washing it all the time. as it stands my hair is ridiculously long..too long for my face really, so all i do everyday is pull it up and forget about it until it's time to wash it again.
i'm starting to feel numb and far away.
i've started smoking weed by myself again, all secretive and weird like, so no one knows. it's just so much easier to block everything out.
i had my hoops in the living room for the party and now everyone loves them out there and i just want them back in my room.
maybe i've become exceedingly bitchy, but i'm just not feeling very giving at this time.
i hate hearing them use them because i miss them and want to see them on my walls, and no one understands. no one understands that they are like people to me.
lately, i've been so solitary. i've been hiding in my room by myself. it's hard for me to call people and see people. it's hard for me to do anything.
i can't get close to anyone. i don't even remember who i am.
i need to pay some bills, make some calls, get my life back on track.
yet i just seem to get fucked up whenever i have to do something important.
i just want to crawl into a hole and sleep.