i just got home from a real date with a boy. like..a real date.
it was pretty cool. we went out to dinner and talked and talked and had some beer and he bought me a symphony bar (!!!) and it was really nice. i haven't gone on many dates i realized. i actually have no idea how to behave on them. and now i'm all freaking out. like. is it bad that i didn't offer to pay for half of dinner? is it bad that i didn't kiss him? i don't know. the only guys i've really been intimate with are people i've been friends with and then shit just happens..or like..stupid boys who would never take me on dates. i don't know. i'm freaking out.

i don't even know if i like him. he seems cool, and i had fun. but like. boys scare me. especially when they are nice to me. especially when i think i might have to talk about things. if i don't get that weird feeling in my belly does it mean it's nothing? wouldn't i know? and what if i don't? what do i do then?
fuuuuuuuccckkk.

anyways. i might apply for this job tomorrow. i feel sort of ill about it.

went to the dr. today.
have a sinus infection. on more meds.
i fucking SPRAINED a muscle between my ribs. i didn't even know you could sprain a muscle. like, what's that. i have a show this weekend and then next weekend, so i don't know what i'm going to do. today is my 3rd day without hooping cuz it hurts so bad. but, it does hurt less today than yesterday.

i guess i'll try and lie down.

x