take me out

the word on the streets by my ever loving roommate is that if you keep craving sugar you might actually be craving protein. i wonder how true this is.
lately i feel sort of shitty. fat. lonely. gross. the ensemble of unhealth. i'm not sure how true or logical this is, but it's certainly how i feel. i've been irritable. i just want you to hold me and you never will.

there's got to be something to live for.

sometimes i feel really hip and cool and other times i feel like i want to put my head through a wall. *pow* i feel tied down and strained. i feel alone.

i wish your smile got like that when you talked to me.





fuck.
you.



time keeps on passing, this is true, this is true.














i hate feeling this sad.











and awake. when i should be sleeping but i stay up stay up stay up.








alone.







without.






reason.




or a place to be.



it's like art without reason.
a place without being.




makes me want to destroy my mind.



who am i?


and what's the purpose of this?
i shouldn't need you to decide if i'm cool.


because i am on a different level.
but i'll never let anyone inside.




i just need a hug.
a kiss on the forhead.

someone to say, "larisa. it's ok."
"you're amazing."






do i doubt this?




take me out.











make me cool.







but just don't lead me on.





larisa.