i'm not sure what i'm living for these days. i work too much. two jobs plus freelance is alot. i get stuff done. kinda. my room is a fucking mess. i need to take a day to clean it all out, but my next day off is in weeks. i can feel time passing below me -- time just keeps on going going ... but where am i going?

m is leaving in a few months. we've got this project we're talking on. but like hell are we ever going to get it done in this time frame. i have so many projects in my head, but i doubt i'll get any of them done in this shit. i feel tired. and lonely. perhaps this is why people have boyfriends. lovers. something to live for. because right now i feel so horribly alone.

i try and smile. and i do actually try alot. but sometimes i picture things exploding around me. and i think i almost want it to happen just for the life of it.

i just want to take my time at things.
but time is a wastin'.


who are you?



this is fucking lame.
there's nothing there.


we lost last night but it was ok.
i wish i was my roommate m. she's just so vibrant and full of life. i wish i could be that way. and so pretty. sexy. i'm just this little girl looking thing. i absolutely hate it.
i hate being smothering.



i hate it all.

but maybe i'm just tired.





i need to throw all my shit out and start anew.
like r. she did it. but can i?


p's in north carolina.
i want to eat but i won't because it's really close to bedtime and i've been eating really awful lately and i feel like a fat heff and my posture is all off and my energy sucks and i have no time for anything and fucking die die die.


going to a fire festival this weekend. that should be fun.





someone please make it all worthwhile.
or just tell me that it is.


larisa.
ann.