sometimes i wonder if i'm a bad person. i wonder if i use people. i wonder if i'm ugly, on the inside and out.
last night was interesting. we went to a show. close, we were, though we usually are. i felt closer to you than usual. i wonder if you noticed, or even remember, that we held hands for the majority of the night. or if you were behind me you would put your hand on my shoulder and i would grab it. is this how friends normally act?
i told you i loved you - that you were my best friend. i told you this alot. i was completly wasted and wanted to kiss you. but i held back, and i'm really glad i did now.
because i know you don't feel the same way.
and sometimes i wonder how it is that you don't notice how i feel about you.
or maybe you do.
and maybe by some odd chance you feel exactly the same way but can't tell me.
ha. right.
but imagine.
just for a second.


time to make some phone calls.