2am.

i was sleeping, but then my mom called and woke me up.
we talked for a bit..but now i'm awake.
i just took half a klono, hopefully it will make me sleepy ...
tomorrow is going to be a long day and i need some rest.
interview on friday at massart.
ooooh mi god...
so i was just reading up on their website because i want to be prepared and there are all these quotes from this guy dana that i know, we hung out once at the MIT art gallery and at AI shows and i used to always run into him when i was hula hooping at shows regularly .. like, he's one of the professors in the program that i have the interview in.
like, WHAT?!
i was thinking maybe i should email him and re-establish contact... i was supposed to email him like last month or something so we could catch this other show... but i never did .... i suck!!! oh well.
oh and then alex called tonight to pick up the dvd-r ... at like midnight!
how unprofessional...oh how i hate when people are unprofessional...
oh...
i want this job so badly..

j and i were so freakin' flirty today it was ridiculous. we had a shoot for the institute so we were up all early and it was snowing and crazy. we were really in synch today and the shoot went well. well, when we go to bring back the equipment he did something ridiculous, i forgot what now, so i punched him on the arm and he said, "hey!" and got in front of me and stopped suddenly so i ran into him, so then i walked next to him and walked right up into him and pushed him into this hole in the wall and said, "oops, sorry about that, my foot slipped," and we laughed a whole bunch.
down into the harvard T station and we're waiting for the train and i forgot what next but right when the train came roaring into the station i grabbed him in this huge hug and instead of just being all j like and standing stiff as a board he grabbed me back and sort of spun me around and then we got on the train and we're all winded and rushed.
i know that we're just friends.... but i really like being close to him like that..

fast forward to our apt. and it's k's birthday so we all have cake and i i'm on the phone with karen in fl and i try to get by the doorway and j stands in front so i can't get by, left then right and i say, "jaaaaimes.." and he laughs and moves ... does it again a few minutes later so i get some cake on my fork and he's going to get the coffee pot and i say, "hey j, let me see your face." and go to put the ice cream on his face but not really and he says, "laaarisa, i have some hot coffee in this pot." and i threw my arm out and said, "pour it on me, you know you want to." and of course mike was there and said, "yeah! she'll like it," and j blushed and then we smiled.
man ....
it's so nice those moments ..
when you know you have a real friend.
even if his green eyes make you weak
and you want to stand really close to him and breathe in his smell
because sometimes it makes everything better.
and i know that somewhere..
deep inside...
i don't want anything to happen because i love him that much.

blah, it's almost 2am ... and i went to bed at 10pm just for a good nights sleep.
dear world,
please make everything ok, or not ok ... better than ok ....and if not right away then that's fine too ..
just give me the time i need ...
to grow as the person and artist i need to be..
and if not the best right now ..
at least make life interesting as can be ..
and make it so that at least i'm somewhat on the path i need to be on..
i promise i'll be patient if at least i know that my life is just going to get better and better...
because i think that i might actually deserve it, world..
please let me actually deserve it.

and on that note, i got video interviewed today with the institute, and will probably have my picture in the paper in my white lab coat.
rock.




best regards,
larisa ann.