this is the story of your gypsy uncle .. you never knew cuz he was dead..
ok. so this job. it's at harvard. it's boring at hell. it's making copies and delivering books and entertaining a co-worker. and i have to write a COVER LETTER for it. a big bad cover letter with proper grammer and rewrite my resume so it's not for video...STRESS. and i have to do it tonight before i got to bed so i can have it in by monday because tomorrow i am working like 10 hours and then have to make an appearance at joseph's party before he up and moves to LA.
i feel dizzy.
the thing is. i don't WANT this job. but i sort of need to get it. it pays like 16 bux and hour which is DOUBLE what i make now. it's also only 9 months so i can see the visible end. someone said it would look good on a resume. but the hours are 8:30 - 5:30 mon thru fri --- when am i going to have time for all my art projects with this strict schedule? when am i going to make my films? have shows with my hoops? oh, i'm such a miserable BRAT about it all.
i hate feeling like i need to sacrifice my well being, my LIFE, to make ends meet. and as much as i hate starbucks at least i feel ALIVE there. i'm not making fucking COPIES by myself in an OFFICE, i'm making fucking LATTES for assholes. oh..i just don't know.
i'm so emotional right now.
got to take a shower. maybe i'll feel better then?
who knows.
i'm lonely. i'm sad.
there's no one to talk to.
and perhaps there never will be.
i just want to get married. have this person. someone to love.
i don't know. i thought about it alot today.
last night i was stressed on the porch and micah touched the top of my head and brushed my hair back. and it felt so good just to be ..touched. i miss it so much. just the little things. a hand on your lower back. tugging on hair, tracing each rib, grabbing a finger and squeezing it. hugs.
why am i so cold and heartless? why can't i let anyone in?
sometimes.
it's just easier this way.
but not.
i don't know.
last night i put sparklers on my hoop and hooped on the roof. it was so fucking pretty i wanted to die. and micah took pictures!
tonight, tonight.
we'll walk this path.
alone, but at long last.
i'll make it though this night.
alone.
x
i feel dizzy.
the thing is. i don't WANT this job. but i sort of need to get it. it pays like 16 bux and hour which is DOUBLE what i make now. it's also only 9 months so i can see the visible end. someone said it would look good on a resume. but the hours are 8:30 - 5:30 mon thru fri --- when am i going to have time for all my art projects with this strict schedule? when am i going to make my films? have shows with my hoops? oh, i'm such a miserable BRAT about it all.
i hate feeling like i need to sacrifice my well being, my LIFE, to make ends meet. and as much as i hate starbucks at least i feel ALIVE there. i'm not making fucking COPIES by myself in an OFFICE, i'm making fucking LATTES for assholes. oh..i just don't know.
i'm so emotional right now.
got to take a shower. maybe i'll feel better then?
who knows.
i'm lonely. i'm sad.
there's no one to talk to.
and perhaps there never will be.
i just want to get married. have this person. someone to love.
i don't know. i thought about it alot today.
last night i was stressed on the porch and micah touched the top of my head and brushed my hair back. and it felt so good just to be ..touched. i miss it so much. just the little things. a hand on your lower back. tugging on hair, tracing each rib, grabbing a finger and squeezing it. hugs.
why am i so cold and heartless? why can't i let anyone in?
sometimes.
it's just easier this way.
but not.
i don't know.
last night i put sparklers on my hoop and hooped on the roof. it was so fucking pretty i wanted to die. and micah took pictures!
tonight, tonight.
we'll walk this path.
alone, but at long last.
i'll make it though this night.
alone.
x
posted by L | 4:28 PM
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