there are tons of men who call me baby. i don't know what it is that i do that makes people give me this nickname, but it seems to follow me around. i just thought of it because i found this email from this guy kurt i used to see and he was calling me baby in it, and i just got to thinking.
anyways.
i feel like shit. i'm physically sick. i don't really feel like bitching but i don't know any other way right now. i've been looking on the internet for retreat centers, wellness centers. i want to live in an institution for awhile, but an institution built on eastern medicine. they are all so expensive! i've been in a western mental institution, and it wasn't for me. i don't know. i don't know if i can do this alone. i'm so scared all the time of my suicidal impulses.
i've got a crush on this girl at my work. and that chick shane from the l word????? holy mother fuck. i need some more queer friends. swinger friends. because most straight up lesbians annoy me and don't see me as queer enough. whatever. i found a bi resource center in cambridge. i might go there. i'm having such trouble with this. today i called zoe from starbucks where i used to work. she was so crazy and all over the place girls girls girls and i need something right now, so i called and left her a message. i bet she's got a sixth sense and knows what i'm calling for, so she won't call me back. but maybe i'll be pleasantly surprised. this post is jack full of spelling issues, but i don't care right now. i think i'm gonna call out sick to work tomorrow, i feel so awful. nyquil every night. :( who is larisa? what are you doing here?
j started his new job today. i hate him. of course he got the job he wanted. a real job.
i wish i didn't want to kill myself. i wish i loved myself. i'm thinking i'll call that hotline again tonight? do i want to? WHY CAN'T I KILL THIS FEELING INSIDE ME??????
why can't i just kill the part of me that wants me dead? what's wrong with me? why did this suddenly get so bad? is it the end of winter? the coming of spring? is it really bipolar disorder?
something has got to give.
anyways.
i feel like shit. i'm physically sick. i don't really feel like bitching but i don't know any other way right now. i've been looking on the internet for retreat centers, wellness centers. i want to live in an institution for awhile, but an institution built on eastern medicine. they are all so expensive! i've been in a western mental institution, and it wasn't for me. i don't know. i don't know if i can do this alone. i'm so scared all the time of my suicidal impulses.
i've got a crush on this girl at my work. and that chick shane from the l word????? holy mother fuck. i need some more queer friends. swinger friends. because most straight up lesbians annoy me and don't see me as queer enough. whatever. i found a bi resource center in cambridge. i might go there. i'm having such trouble with this. today i called zoe from starbucks where i used to work. she was so crazy and all over the place girls girls girls and i need something right now, so i called and left her a message. i bet she's got a sixth sense and knows what i'm calling for, so she won't call me back. but maybe i'll be pleasantly surprised. this post is jack full of spelling issues, but i don't care right now. i think i'm gonna call out sick to work tomorrow, i feel so awful. nyquil every night. :( who is larisa? what are you doing here?
j started his new job today. i hate him. of course he got the job he wanted. a real job.
i wish i didn't want to kill myself. i wish i loved myself. i'm thinking i'll call that hotline again tonight? do i want to? WHY CAN'T I KILL THIS FEELING INSIDE ME??????
why can't i just kill the part of me that wants me dead? what's wrong with me? why did this suddenly get so bad? is it the end of winter? the coming of spring? is it really bipolar disorder?
something has got to give.
posted by L | 6:36 PM
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