i don't need a better thing, i'll settle for less.

i broke up with my girlfriend last night.

i had to do it. i didn't want to do it, but i had to. we've been fighting over and over about the same thing. she wants more than i can give. i want something casual. i want her to be seeing other people. it's just how it works for me. if in time we had both stopped seeing other people and concentrated on each other that would have been fine... but i can't just jump into stuff. i told her that i was not ready for a relationship, that i didn't want one at this time, and she said she understood. but deep inside she was just hoping that i would come around. no matter how many times we had this talk, no matter how much i stayed the same, she just kept hoping i would change.

and i guess i was hoping she would change too. i wanted her to be chill, a girl i could have fun with and not have to worry about the emotions. i just can't deal i just can't deal.

and now i'm sad.

i'm sad because i wanted it to work out.

i wanted it to work out.

i feel defective.

unable to be like other people.

i feel.

defective.

i'm not really scared of being alone. it's how i function best.

but i wonder if i'll always feel this way.



















i don't know.