say what you will

i am sitting in my bedroom listening to amanda palmer on headphones and wondering, just wondering.....what are the next steps for me?

it must be wonderous to be able to live as an artist, to do what i want whenever i want to, to have the time and energy to be creative, to do what i want i want i want.

so it is, and this is me....doing better, but still lost and alone, still wondering what the fuck I'm supposed to be doing with my time, still wondering how i can live so that it feels real to me.....what does feel real to me?

just got off the phone with tara.....we got into a huge fucking argument, thats she claims is not fucking arguing, but at the same time, i don't talk like this with anyone else.....there is no one else that sparks this huge fucking rage in me.....i just want to be free, and yet i feel so unfree, i feel so chained within myself, so unable to move sometimes....

i say to myself, "should i teach english overseas?" anything to buy myself the time to be.

say what you will
i am the kill
the only thing
that makes you real
say what you will
i am the kill
the only thing that makes you really truely safe from............

yeah....


day after day there are soldiers dying and i am a part of this ridiculous country.


someone please give me the strength.