i am now 28 years of age.

so today i got an email from my friend nick asking me out on a date. and it's interesting because i used to find nick very attractive...but he's been taking testosterone to turn himself into a guy (i met him as a female) and i saw him last night and his shoulders were so broad...and i didn't really view him the same. it's so weird..but like...i totally can't even picture myself dating a guy anymore...and it would be so weird to introduce someone as my boyfriend. i have been pretty loud and proud out for awhile now so to speak....how can i go back?

but some part of me wants to date him. wants to fuck him. we went to the sex shop a few months back because he felt comfortable with me and at the time i just thought about him using the stuff on me.

however, it seems that the more guyish he gets the less attractive he gets to me. bummer.

more later...

by the way it's my birthday today. i have now reached 28 years of age. yay!