i don't want to die.

this guy at the variete show tonight sang "dream on," while playing the accordian. i remember i used to LOVE that song when i was younger. it doesn't sound anything like any other aerosmith song.
so i started thinking and thinking and i thought alot about jenessa.

tonight during my act i was feeling really emotional so i threw myself down the the floor really hard on my knees and was going crazy. i really ripped up my knees pretty bad. however, i got alot of positive comments on it, so that's cool.

i'm hungry and sad.


last night i went on a date with this guy that i also went out with a few weeks ago. he's really nice but just doesn't do it for me. after we went out to eat yesterday we came back to my apt and watched tv and then it was like 12:30 and i kept asking what time it was but like..he just wouldn't leave. i finally had to say, "hey, i have to go to bed." for some reason it really irked me .. . like...common sense? i notice that my body language was telling me more than my mind...i just wanted to be in my own space, and like...i don't know.

so then he leaves and leaves me this message on my voicemail that says he really wanted to kiss me, but lost his courage so this message is him redeeming himself. like, what?

how do i let him down gently?
he also works with my roommate so i'm like, blah.


i've had enough.