i feel a little sick. ali called me to hang out. i want to paint. i *need* to write this cover letter. and then i started thinking about miranda july and want to go in the living room and watch 'nest of tens.'
before j gets home.
oh, larisa, what does it matter? what does it matter that you keep all this shit piled up in your head?
and i'm supposed to call my 'almost' former place of employment today to tell them i can't make it in on those other days... but i'm too scared. do i just not show up? do i go to staples and buy freakin' pale greenish blue resume paper like my dream said? but it's buy nothing day, i don't want to buy anything.
fuck it all.




sigh.
things are going to be just fine. i just didn't get much sleep and i'm really confused about alot of things, and then i got one of those damn emails ... don't email me ...fucking....it's just makes it weird when something happens and then you get this email..it's so ....rich.....fuck...maybe he IS like rich. oh whatever, larisa........




plus i'm really dehydrated because i haven't been drinking enough water, but for some reason i think it's on purpose. like..what? why am i such a fucking freak....


just clap your hands (and say yeah).

i sort of suck at life today.
i told my roommate that i'd do the dishes, but no ...i didn't. i didn't do the fucking dishes.


last night i'd never felt happier to be back in my apartment after being with my family. why is it so hard? why do i hate going home? why am i so tense when i go there? it's rather ridiculous. and then i'm left feeling like i'm the one that causes all the problems and then my sister tells my mom some bullshit about how in high school she felt like she had to be "the good one" because i was always fucked up and now she still has to be "the good one" because i'm off living "this wacky life." whatever.
it didn't help that i hung out with a close friend from high school and we've ended up so different and that's fine with me, but to her ...i'm just plain fucking odd....
oh, larisa, why do you even care?
snore snore snore.

talk about procrastinating on this cover letter!!!!!!!!


i wish i could be miranda july.
i bet she's really confident.
i wonder what her family thinks of her.




ok.
i think i'm gonna go for the present moment.







L