i am feeling like i want to run away.
but really..
i think that i just need a vacation from everything.

i sort of want to go camping by myself.
but i don't have much experience in that sort of thing.

feel like i don't have experience in much......



i've heard the redwood forest north of san francisco is beautiful.





what's a career?


i'm tired and i can't connect.














































i guess this is as far as i can go.





i want to say that i don't feel much.
but i do.
i do i do.


started going to rape crisis therapy.
fuckingawful.

i don't know why i thought it would be easy.

maybe i'll paint awhile. i sort of feel like painting.


i could make things with metal and wire.



goawayjaimes.




just go away.















i want to be alone more than anything.


for the rest of my fucking existence.



i want to be the motherfuck alone.










on the outside i am doing well.
hey! i'm doing well.






on the inside.
on the inside.
on the inside on
the inside.




poetry but not.
faceless and forgot
en




it doesn't matter.


this is just a stream of thoughts.



coke is fucking disgusting and bitter.




***********************************************************

i have this dream, right?

where i move into a brand new loft. and i have alot of money somehow, which allows me to buy things like wood and i can make all my own little rooms. i'll spray paint a bunch of stuff gold. i'll have health insurance. i'll have time to volunteer. i want to volunteer at a womens' collective. i want to feel safe around my ladies.


i want to end this world of violence. i want to teach people about things. like life, like safer sex, like about loving yourself. like about eating naturally and not creating so much waste.





i feel like i haven't slept in awhile. i can't wait to go to work tomorrow. i love my job at harvard, it gives me structure. now if only it would pay more and offer me some insurance.


i wish i had someone i really wanted to call and then we could go and ride bikes.



for real.

























larisa