misses aggravation
caffiene overdose.
no, really.
i feel like shit today. maybe it is a caffiene overdose, but my heart seems to have stopped palipitating, leaving just a feeling of emptiness in my stomach, and i can't seem to eat any food. lately all i want to do is sleep in my bed.
it's not entirely true, as there have been some things i've been excited about as of late.
i'm just feeling sort of lonely. i want to have someone i love comb their fingers through my long dark hair. i want to curl up like a cat in absolute security. too bad i'll never let any of these things happen. oh well.
i feel shaky, melancholy. i flirted with this guy at the art gallery and now he's sending me emails all the time. i always find myself in these messes ... i don't mean to cause it .. i just like it. i like flirting. i like excitement. but i don't mean to hurt other people with it. i just don't.
there has been so much tension in this apartment. i don't know how to disperse it. talked with j about it for a long time today. he's irritated at our other roommates friends, and how they look at him and use the wrong pronouns when he tells them his male name. i understand how he feels, i do, but i also see how it's hard for people who have never been around trans people before. it's a hard thing to swallow at first, when you don't know anything about it. and i know that he considers these people to be 'straight little brats,' and in many ways they are, but what are you going to do? then i feel like a horrible person for even thinking all this.
i feel like i'm going to puke. all day long i've been freezing cold, but sweating, sick to my stomach, tired, ill.
what the fuck.
make it go away.
maybe i'll nap.
i hate it when people don't pay the fuck attention.
like when i say, hey mike, leave the bathroom sink dripping like the plumber guy said, otherwise it's going to explode, to go in there 2 mintues later to find he's turned it off.
take responsibility for your fucking actions, thanks very much.
some marijuana, if you got some.
my lord, i cannot wait until the holidays are over.
but will things really be any better?
therapy fucking sucked today. i couldn't figure out what i wanted to talk about and i felt like i kept going in circles.
yay, fucking hell.
i'm just tired and sick and dark and light.
i don't know if i should go and try to make myself puke or not. or take a klono and sleep but i was supposed to call a, and i'm supposed to go to this art exhibit with j at 6, and then go to this meeting at AI at 7:30, and then maybe drinks? (shoot me) because j's graduating.
(and i really am proud)
and then maybe to liza's show... i don't fucking know.
curl me up in a hole.
was on the t today when i realized i was on the t... like.. what?
*vomits.*
no, really.
i feel like shit today. maybe it is a caffiene overdose, but my heart seems to have stopped palipitating, leaving just a feeling of emptiness in my stomach, and i can't seem to eat any food. lately all i want to do is sleep in my bed.
it's not entirely true, as there have been some things i've been excited about as of late.
i'm just feeling sort of lonely. i want to have someone i love comb their fingers through my long dark hair. i want to curl up like a cat in absolute security. too bad i'll never let any of these things happen. oh well.
i feel shaky, melancholy. i flirted with this guy at the art gallery and now he's sending me emails all the time. i always find myself in these messes ... i don't mean to cause it .. i just like it. i like flirting. i like excitement. but i don't mean to hurt other people with it. i just don't.
there has been so much tension in this apartment. i don't know how to disperse it. talked with j about it for a long time today. he's irritated at our other roommates friends, and how they look at him and use the wrong pronouns when he tells them his male name. i understand how he feels, i do, but i also see how it's hard for people who have never been around trans people before. it's a hard thing to swallow at first, when you don't know anything about it. and i know that he considers these people to be 'straight little brats,' and in many ways they are, but what are you going to do? then i feel like a horrible person for even thinking all this.
i feel like i'm going to puke. all day long i've been freezing cold, but sweating, sick to my stomach, tired, ill.
what the fuck.
make it go away.
maybe i'll nap.
i hate it when people don't pay the fuck attention.
like when i say, hey mike, leave the bathroom sink dripping like the plumber guy said, otherwise it's going to explode, to go in there 2 mintues later to find he's turned it off.
take responsibility for your fucking actions, thanks very much.
some marijuana, if you got some.
my lord, i cannot wait until the holidays are over.
but will things really be any better?
therapy fucking sucked today. i couldn't figure out what i wanted to talk about and i felt like i kept going in circles.
yay, fucking hell.
i'm just tired and sick and dark and light.
i don't know if i should go and try to make myself puke or not. or take a klono and sleep but i was supposed to call a, and i'm supposed to go to this art exhibit with j at 6, and then go to this meeting at AI at 7:30, and then maybe drinks? (shoot me) because j's graduating.
(and i really am proud)
and then maybe to liza's show... i don't fucking know.
curl me up in a hole.
was on the t today when i realized i was on the t... like.. what?
*vomits.*
posted by L | 1:29 PM
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