dear j,
uhm, so thanks so much for your encouragement and support. right.
you know.... writing that 4 page letter wasn't exactly easy. and maybe this is fine with you, not being friends with me...
that's certainly the signals that you're sending me.
i don't even know what to say to you anymore. really. it's like this silent quiet between us. i'm doing my best to be normal, j, but there is no input from you.
and i'm tired.
and worn thin.
if i was younger i might have taken it.
but this isn't the way friends treat each other. so maybe we weren't real friends anyway. seems like i lose more and more each year. maybe it's just the filter system. well, thanks for taking up my time. thanks for taking up my enery. thanks for taking me and spitting me out all over the sidewalk. thanks, j.
you know what..
fuck you.
a big fuck you right over to you.
you act like you should be upset that i cared about you. how dare i have the nerve to actually like you? how dare i?
and you know what ...
you pull all some bullshit about not being a real friend...
well who the fuck are you? who the fuck are you, ditching me like this?
i ought to fucking slap you, fucking vain piece of shit.
so fucking vain.
it's all about you ... all the time, isn't it?
all about you.
well let me tell you something.
i am fucking badass.
fucking awesome.
and i don't need you. i don't need you in my fucking life acting like a shithead.


j, i give up.
i really do.
every day i reach reach reach out to you.
but i think i'm stopping now.

so thanks for the good times. and thanks for the smiles and the art, and whatever else.
i guess i'll be seeing you around.







***********************
everythings fine, everythings grand.
onward.
onward.
onward.