a guy at work had a seizure today. i believe it's my first experience with someone having a real one. it was really scary and i can't stop thinking about it.
went to see brian speak at the gallery afterward. duncan was there, with a pretty little blond with her arm around his waist. it was relieving actually, to know that i don't have to hold up to any ideals. we'll have to hang out again, and i'm looking forward to just being friends again.
i've been trying to think positive, but i still feel so rejected. i feel like i've left the ball in j's court, and forever it will stay there. i overheard him talking to someone tonight saying that he plans to be out of boston by next winter.
i already miss him.
i want to call him on the phone right now, say j, can i sleep next to you?
and in my fantasy he'll say, sure, and i'll walk right out my bedroom door and into the next room, up into his loft bed and into his arms.
if only it could be so easy. and so sweet.
i just hate feeling this sad.
i need a new beginning, a new life, a new place.
but for now, i will sleep.