hello 26.

you know what?
fuck this shit.
i'm a goddman artist.
and i don't care.
i don't care if my paintings look like 4th graders did them. i don't care if everything i do is off kilter.
all i know is that i love color. i love texture. i love breathing it all in. and i love being creative and inventive. and loving myself.
i've got to get on the ball.
summer is coming.
san francisco i think in the fall.
but i don't know yet...really....
i know that i need to be somewhere warmer. portland or is too ... i don't know...rainy...
la is too smoggy and blah.
i just started riding a bike.
I FUCKING LOVE IT!
i want to be somewhere where i can ride my bike (does san fran have too many hills?)
i want to be outside all the time that i can.
i want to use my hoops again, my love again.
no more negative.
j --
i tried. i tried to be a friend to you. but all you do is drag me down and tell me that you don't feel like you have any friends here. i really don't know what to say anymore. i don't know why you don't trust me --- why you don't trust anyone, but you know what ..
i can't fix you.
and i am a fucking positive person goddamn it.
and unlike you, i don't want to care what all these people think.
i don't want to go to art opening when i hate the art to impress people.
i don't want any of it, j.
any of it.
i'm so sick of your fucking negativity.
i'm so sick of all of this.
and if you're going to keep talking about how you're going to fucking move out well then fucking move out.
mooove the fuuck out.
fuck out.
i'm listening to cat power.
girl power.
queer power.

fuck this city.
i want to be me want to be me.

i want to be fucking me.




all the time.






and i think i might be getting better.
getting better getting better getting better getting better getting better getting better getting better getting better getting better.




getting.
better.