the key to my heart
went out with joshua tonight. he met me at park street station with a bunch of beautiful yellow flowers and a white box with a card. "happy belated valentine's day," he says beaming. we went to the movies and saw "million dollar baby." it was really depressing and i almost burst into tears in the theatre. i might cry tonight thinking about it.
before that we went out to eat in chinatown. he ordered me a limeade, and he got some kind of coffee drink that made my throat all itchy. after the movie he asked me if i wanted to see his place. so we took the T to jp and walked a bit through empty streets.
i started wondering why it is that i don't like joshua.
hm...maybe i should give a little background on joshua..
ok...so a couple of years ago i was dating a guy named rich. rich was one of those "open relationship" kind of guys (among other things.) he actually had a girlfriend named heather. she lived in oregon, they had met while he was touring. heather knew about me as well, we actually developed some sort of a relationship through online communication. after the assualt and rich moved to oregon to be with heather and then she dumped him she began seeing a guy named joshua, the robot builder. they had a good relationship and then he moved here for school. heather told me that i should meet up with him, as he was a good guy. so i did.
we went on a date and kissed alot on the esplanade. he came back to my apartment and spent the night. the whole time he kept saying how he was nervous because he wasn't sure if we were going to have sex or not, and i kept telling him that we definetly wern't, since i was in a chosen celibacy period at this time trying to get over the assualt with rich.
the next morning he called me stuff like "sweetie," and i got majorly freaked out. he asked me out on a second date, he wanted to make me dinner at his house. so i went. after dinner he gave me a book about robots to look at and proclaimed, "i feel like getting undressed!" and took off all his clothes while i was sitting there fully clothed. he sat there for about 15 minutes till i told him that i felt really uncomfortable. he also sent me a picture to my email of him in bondage pants with his junk hanging out. we ended up getting in a huge fight because he said that i was a prude and i said that just because he didn't get what he wanted from me did not make a prude.
anyways.
why did i tell this story?
so yes. joshua and i have worked for years at becoming friends and it has been going well, though he does proclaim his undying love for me from time to time.
he has recently started an AA program and is pretty into it. looking back, i guess he always was drinking, but i never really noticed it as a problem.. funny the stuff you don't talk about with your friends..
anyways. we went to his apartment. he lives with two marvelous gay men. we ate "no pudge" brownies. in his bedroom i fingered the coins that sat in a neat row upon his dresser. the ivory colored on was my favorite. on one side they say, "one day at a time," and on the other side, 30 days, 60 days, 90 days. the ivory colored one said "24 hours." wow. i thought about the struggle. my aunt has these coins too. they say "12 years." 12 years sober..
he talks about AA alot. it's weird.
i zoned out at the counter at the movies tonight and kidding around told the ticket taker, "i take drugs." joshua said, "she's not kidding." later on i asked him what he meant. "you drop acid," he says. "you take mushrooms. you smoke weed." i was sort of offended and said, "uhmm, barely!"
"i didn't say you were a drug abuser," he says. "but you admit yourself that you use drugs." for some reason this made me more upset than it should have.
he opens doors for me. he holds my coat. all the random stuff you never think people really do. he could be perfect. yet i know i won't even give him a chance.
i wonder why..
he is also very supportive of my move to LA. if indeed i do move there. he is supportive of my move across seas. he tells me i'm beautiful. he comments on my hair, my clothes. amazing comments. he offers home cooked meals. the very key to my heart! why am i running?
i don't know. i think the klono has kicked in. excuse the spelling errors please.
love,
larisa
before that we went out to eat in chinatown. he ordered me a limeade, and he got some kind of coffee drink that made my throat all itchy. after the movie he asked me if i wanted to see his place. so we took the T to jp and walked a bit through empty streets.
i started wondering why it is that i don't like joshua.
hm...maybe i should give a little background on joshua..
ok...so a couple of years ago i was dating a guy named rich. rich was one of those "open relationship" kind of guys (among other things.) he actually had a girlfriend named heather. she lived in oregon, they had met while he was touring. heather knew about me as well, we actually developed some sort of a relationship through online communication. after the assualt and rich moved to oregon to be with heather and then she dumped him she began seeing a guy named joshua, the robot builder. they had a good relationship and then he moved here for school. heather told me that i should meet up with him, as he was a good guy. so i did.
we went on a date and kissed alot on the esplanade. he came back to my apartment and spent the night. the whole time he kept saying how he was nervous because he wasn't sure if we were going to have sex or not, and i kept telling him that we definetly wern't, since i was in a chosen celibacy period at this time trying to get over the assualt with rich.
the next morning he called me stuff like "sweetie," and i got majorly freaked out. he asked me out on a second date, he wanted to make me dinner at his house. so i went. after dinner he gave me a book about robots to look at and proclaimed, "i feel like getting undressed!" and took off all his clothes while i was sitting there fully clothed. he sat there for about 15 minutes till i told him that i felt really uncomfortable. he also sent me a picture to my email of him in bondage pants with his junk hanging out. we ended up getting in a huge fight because he said that i was a prude and i said that just because he didn't get what he wanted from me did not make a prude.
anyways.
why did i tell this story?
so yes. joshua and i have worked for years at becoming friends and it has been going well, though he does proclaim his undying love for me from time to time.
he has recently started an AA program and is pretty into it. looking back, i guess he always was drinking, but i never really noticed it as a problem.. funny the stuff you don't talk about with your friends..
anyways. we went to his apartment. he lives with two marvelous gay men. we ate "no pudge" brownies. in his bedroom i fingered the coins that sat in a neat row upon his dresser. the ivory colored on was my favorite. on one side they say, "one day at a time," and on the other side, 30 days, 60 days, 90 days. the ivory colored one said "24 hours." wow. i thought about the struggle. my aunt has these coins too. they say "12 years." 12 years sober..
he talks about AA alot. it's weird.
i zoned out at the counter at the movies tonight and kidding around told the ticket taker, "i take drugs." joshua said, "she's not kidding." later on i asked him what he meant. "you drop acid," he says. "you take mushrooms. you smoke weed." i was sort of offended and said, "uhmm, barely!"
"i didn't say you were a drug abuser," he says. "but you admit yourself that you use drugs." for some reason this made me more upset than it should have.
he opens doors for me. he holds my coat. all the random stuff you never think people really do. he could be perfect. yet i know i won't even give him a chance.
i wonder why..
he is also very supportive of my move to LA. if indeed i do move there. he is supportive of my move across seas. he tells me i'm beautiful. he comments on my hair, my clothes. amazing comments. he offers home cooked meals. the very key to my heart! why am i running?
i don't know. i think the klono has kicked in. excuse the spelling errors please.
love,
larisa
posted by L | 11:24 PM
3 Comments:
Just relax and enjoy the company. Sounds like he's trying to be a real friend. And that's important.
Getting your kit off in front of some one you just met, in my book, is a little freaky, and the sending of bondage emails!!
Though you go on to describe a gentleman, ie opens doors, holds coats, and so on.
Sounds like he has more then one side to his personality. Robots and dangly bits are a bit too much for a first date ;)
This was very interesting to read. Thanks for sharing!
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