whatever.
so i talked with my mom on the phone. she said some shit about how i should have started looking for a job earlier. well, i didn't. well, what the fuck am i supposed to do now?

i've been swallowing these klonopins like a motherfucker. but of course, it's only after i find that i might not be able to fill another prescription that i freak out and get all nervous and start downing them downing them downing them. what the mother mother fuck.

i feel so inept at life.
for real.
found a cd on the top shelf of my bookshelf. david actually saved his fucking stitches and hid them in my bookshelf. for some reason this really grossed me out and i almost dropped half of them on the floor, searching, searching, for the trash -- searching for anything -- my god get me out of this mess that i have created.

i hate feeling this sad.

tomorrow i'm going to walk around town and look for yet another retail job that will replace sbux until i can find a real job. thinking of moving to san fran with alicia next sept for a few months. see if i like it. whatever.
i might have this video gig.

i felt them come in at me. oh yeah, you all want a piece of this. just keep trying at it. at least you are going to germany. and you are going to new zealand. where the FUCK am i going?

dear lord,
all i ever wanted was something cool to happen to me.
but maybe i'm just a huge fucking brat.

stay positive and positive things will happen to you.
right?