i'm so horny i feel like i'm going to explode.
we've been trying to go out for hours.
everyone is too fucked up.
m and j want to go to lesbian karoke. i don't know if i can deal with lesbians right now.
i don't want to end up fucking someone tonight.
i took some mushrooms and i'm kinda tripping but kinda not.
i feel more fucked up than actually tripping.
i think that's because i also had some wine and a couple hits.
what are you trying to block out?
wish i knew.
i started reading all my journals from high school last night. i'm taking notes on each one, and at the end writing a summary of each. a couple of them i have to read again.
one, the one i wrote for the months after mike and jenessa died ... i don't know if i'm ready to read it at all.
i miss paper journals.
i've got to get myself one i like.
but they are all so expensive.
i sort of like my new job, especially since j got fired from there.
i made a shitload in tips today. i've been saving it all. and i've started to really budget.
i think one i control my finances i might actually start saving.
it's gonna be amazing.
my life is gonna be amazing someday.
once i start really getting through shit in therapy and do some of the things i've been wanting to do for forever.
i really think i might do it. i think i really might move to the west coast in september.
i need to get away from boston something fierce.
i need to be somewhere less conservative.
where i don't feel like a loser because i don't shave.
i've actually been thinking of shaving because i hate how i always feel like everyone is staring.
OH MY GOD THANK GOD FOR RECOVER POST BECAUSE I ALMOST JUST LOST EVERYTHING I WROTE.
ok,
.....
i think i might go now.

fuuuuck...
i want to go out.
or maybe i'll just hula hoop all night.
that's the good thing about taking mushrooms.
i always hula hoop like a mother fucker afterward.
later.